Happy New Year!

2007 for me, was an interesting and tumultuous year of upheavals, some bad, mostly good. A year of tremendous personal change. Of hellos and goodbyes.

Hope the coming year proves to be challenging and interesting, full of surprises, excitement, happiness and hopefully only a few let downs. Wish everyone else the very same!

As for resolutions - I'd prefer to do it the Calvin Way ;)

Taare Zameen Par

I have never written a movie review on my blog before and I'm not really writing a review for this one. But this is such a special movie that I cannot help but write about it - and also because I want to know reactions , if it touched others as much as it touched me!

There are moments in the movie that I loved beyond expression. The titles were adorable! The gutter scene in the beginning, beautifully shot! The manner in which the street vendors were captured in the sequence where Ishaan is roaming on the streets. The animation - charming and evocative - perfectly integrated to show Ishaan's mind and ways of communicating. The shudder Ishaan gives when the car starts (at the hostel).
The way Ishaan’s character develops. Portrayal of how color is sucked out of Ishaan, a child whose only true love is colors. Ishaan's reaction when he takes the first glimpse of Nikumbh Sir's painting on Art Day. The documentary on children in the end with the title song playing in the background.

The songs too contribute majorly. The lyrics are sheer poetry. The music grows on steadily. “Main kabhi batlaata nahi” kept me speechless - literally tugged at my heartstrings!

There's a part in the movie where Aamir Khan's character talks about natives of Solomon Islands who don't cut trees when they need land for cultivation, instead they gather in front of the tree and curse it to their heart's content. And soon enough, the tree withers and dies. I dont know if that is actually true but such a good thing to keep in mind. How often do we weaken the roots of another person or otherwise add to the conditions in which they can wither and fall? What an important point to remember in how we treat other people.

Most importantly - not all "Ishaan Avasthi's" are lucky enough to find "Nikumbh Sir's" in their lives. I hope every parent realises that and takes something back to their lives from the theater. Every child is indeed special!

Taare Zameen Par for me was an experience. A realisation. An eye-opener. A lesson well taught. A step in the right direction. I hope everyone who sees it can act on its lessons.

"Savour the pain from longing for your past, for only those with blessed lives, do"

What is it about memory that makes the worst look benign and the best look better? Why are things always so forgiving when we remember them? A cup of coffee, a night-out with friends, a trip with family, a conversation, a movie, a song - all of the events that seem mundane and commonplace today, but as they get pushed back further and further in time, a mist of yearning gathers around, gilding them till they start to glow. They seem like bright little lamps down a dark flowing stream.

I came across this quote today :

"I cannot walk through the suburbs in the solitude of the night without thinking that the night pleases us because it suppresses idle details, just as our memory does." -Jorge Luis Borges

Thats what memory does. Etches the important lines deeper, blurs out the rest.

Spoiled for choice

Over the last few months I've been overwhelmed with the choices that I get here in this country, I have accepted and embraced the idea of having options hurled at me every minute!

I remember my first sandwich - at Subway. I asked for the 6" inch Chicken Teriyaki.
"White or Wheat?", the girl at the counter wanted to know.
I ignored her. She must be talking to the person behind me I thought. I had placed my order already.
She looked at me again, and repeated, a little louder, "White or wheat?"
"What?" I asked.
"Bread", she said.
"Yes", I replied, more than a little puzzled. Weren't all sandwiches made with bread?
After a few more unsuccessful attempts at communicating, the lady gave up and held up two huge loaves in her hands - "this or THIS?" she gestured.
Oh, they have two types of bread..ding-ding-ding-ding!!! Before I could laugh in my mind at my powers of comprehension, I was bombarded with more choices, a flurry of them, each slapping me in quick succession - "Mustard-Mayo-Cheese? Veggies? Salt? Pepper? Oil? Chips with that? A drink? Cookie? Cash or credit?" Huh!

Surprisingly, my first visit to Starbucks caused no embarrassment - the cashier seemed to know instinctively that I was not very good at multiple choice questions, so he decided to go easy on me and only ask questions for which a simple "yes" or "no" would suffice. Coffee? Large? Room for Cream? Paying with cash? Phew! I nailed that one.

Got me thinking. Choices, of course, come in two flavors themselves. Gel or Paste, Easy fit or Relaxed, Rocky Road or Mint Chocolate Chip, Soup or Salad - these are the choices that just pretend to be that, for in the long run, it doesn't really matter which one you pick. Neither the Easy Fit nor the Relaxed is right for me - what I need is the Low Rise Hipster with just a little flare at the bottom. And, it's likely that when I go back to that restaurant a second time, if I picked salad the last time, I can ask for soup this time.
But then, there are the big choices that really get you thinking, for your decision then will change your life. The choices that keep you up at nights. The ones that make you call your parents and siblings and loved ones in the hope that one of them will come up with a point you've failed to consider. These are the decisions for which you need "for" and "against" columns to all the factors you need to take into account. You are so afraid of making the wrong choice that you would rather not choose at all!

I figured having choices can mean pleasure or pain, depending on whether you choose to enjoy the process for what it is or whether you let yourself be bogged down by the weight of it.
Having too many choices can either make you free or tie you down. The former, when you realize that you're lucky to have choices, the latter when you fail to see the broader implications of having many roads to travel by, of having enough time on your hands so it doesn't matter if you get a little lost along the way.

Content

What a gorgeous day! Sunny and blue. It was amazing outside today, not very hot, 'twas warm but with a breeze. I spent a half hour beside the reflecting pond in the campus today. I thought its been a while since the sky looked so beautiful. But then I realised maybe I've never looked at it the way I did today. It made me forget about all the stress. I love days like these.

I don't think I can get enough out of the moments when I just want it to last forever! I have this intense feeling of intoxication because I can't get anymore content. It's really overwhelming.

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Expectations and more

I have always had high (sometimes perhaps unfair) expectations of people. And I would end up being hurt, all my life. It's almost as if the optimism in me always said - oh give it a few moments more, surely they'll come through - because isn't that what people are supposed to do? Someone will reach out their arms to love me. Someone will understand that I just need them to be there. But I was often disappointed.

Then I was told : "no-one can ever hurt you unless you let them. believe that." So I decided I need to be strong and not expect too much of people. I heard life's too short to worry about how other people aren't giving you what you expect of them. Then I practiced that for a while. I stopped being vulnerable. But lately I feel its almost like losing faith in people. And that's not a good thing. I was always told that people are essentially good. And I believed that. I've been lucky and blessed enough to see a lot of goodness around. And lately I've met and come across people like that. People who are "spontaneously nice". People who make me want to be a better human being.

So now I don't know how much to expect. How much is too much? How much is worthwhile? I wonder!

But I like to be an optimist. I know that happiness is a choice and a choice I wish to make.

I know that the hope that overflows within me is greater than any fear I may ever have. I know that people are innately good, and I choose to believe that. To have expectations, and to be a positive person. To be happy and forgiving, of myself and of others. To have passion and desire. To be thankful for everything that comes my way. To love deeply, with all my heart and not be afraid of heartbreaks. To believe in possibility. And to keep the faith!

Perhaps these last two months have defined me :)

One step at a time ...

This morning I went for the American Heart Association's 5K Heart Walk. It's a fund/awareness raising community event that directly funds Cardiac research. I had never "done a walk" before. My friends suggested the HeartWalk and I decided to go for it. The cause is important to each one of us-- a healthy heart. We've all got one, we rely on it every second of the day, and we need it to be strong for a lifetime. And its important to be aware and spread awareness. I always believed its never too early to start. Was convinced today - there were hundreds of people (infants to oldies) walking around the downtown Orlando area for a cause! And for me : walking never felt better than this :)

I' was inspired because my dad suffered a massive cardiac arrest three years ago. Also, being a doctor himself, he is aware of the AHA and their goals and supports their mission. He was touched when I told him about it and it felt like I reached out to him. One day before World Heart Day, it was my own little way of showing my dad how much I love him.

I have decided to go for similar events whenever they happen in the future. Its my single step. No matter how small a difference that makes.

Between here and there

I have this strange feeling. Its been almost 2 months in this country now. But I still feel like I'm going through the motions of moving forward and hanging on again. I think all too often of all that I've left behind, and I'm fascinated by all that lies within me. I have this intense desire of being in the arms of the people that I love. To remember how it feels to be surrounded by people who know me for me. Yet I am in awe of the experiences and self reliance I have come to know in only a few weeks, a couple months, out here on my own. The feeling of independence, of getting to know myself, of taking care of things on my own, of growing up.

Somewhere inside my core, there is something that still enables me to know and believe that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be. To learn and to be just me, maybe for the first time in my life. To learn how to stand on my own accord. To be self reliant, and to rediscover. To smile. To remember. To be thankful. To meet people and be myself and be loved for that all over again. Appreciating this new life which is better than I ever thought it could be. I am happy.

But sometimes I don't know how to balance emotions or feelings. I don't know how to say things to even my closest friends and family because I can't describe the intensity these mixed emotions have.

I'm somewhere between here and there. Waiting to learn more.Wanting just to remember.

I got inspired !

Just read this by C.S Lewis while randomly browsing online and it really changed the way I've looked at life so far.

"Little people like you and me, if our prayers are sometimes granted, beyond all hope and probability, had better not draw hasty conclusions to our own advantage. If we were stronger, we might be less tenderly treated. If we were braver, we might be sent, with far less help, to defend far more desperate posts in the great battle."

I love that. I am grateful for the tenderness of God that keeps me from a post I would fail at, and for the trust to be brave in some difficult assignments I have been given.

Here's to living an inspired day!

Moment of Truth

You know that feeling that you get when you are so overwhelmed with anticipation and the desire to stay a little longer....that feeling that makes your stomach have the slightest tinge of wonderment. I think that is what I have been feeling for the past few days. Ten days left here. Ten days which will go by too quickly. Where the sound of laughter of my dear ones will begin to fade. Where my friends will wish me will, will be sad to see me go, and who will cheer for me along the way.

I am ready to go. I am ready to embrace my future. I am ready for the challenges ahead. I am ready to begin again, to try a little harder, to love a little more, and learn how to continue to move forward instead of looking back. For this moment, I have put the brakes on my tears. There is much ahead, there is much in store. I've always told myself - life is too short to be sad.

In ten days I will pull away from home, my family, my friends, the life formerly known as mine. I will begin somewhere new. It's going to be hard. It's going to be scary. It's going to be me going for it, me growing up, me taking a leap of faith. It's exciting and it's surreal. It's me becoming me.

Me.
Hmm. I sure like the sound of that.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones ...."

I have spent the greater part of the last few days thinking about the power of words.

When you think about it for any amount of time, you come to realize the true significance of the thing that makes up the bigger picture - the one thing we all share - the human language. For most words, when they sit alphabetically in a dictionary alone, there isn't much significance. Sure, there are a few that can stand on their own, but when the individual words are put together - that's where their true power lies.

When you think about the power of words there isn't one person alive that hasn't felt their thrust. You remember that words do indeed hurt more than sticks and stones when you are bullied, taunted by someone claiming their superiority. You trust the kindness of words when a friend or family member tells you how they have missed you. You feel the butterflies in your tummy with the admission of love for the first time. You can't forget the pain you feel when you disappoint someone or when someone says something that disappoints you. You are transported to the past through the songs that tell the story of your life, the ones you can still sing and feel exactly as you did in the years before.

Everyday, words are the most important choice we make. They can change everything in a second. They can make you change course, direct your future, or make you relive your past. They can make you smile. They can make you laugh. They can make time stand still. They can lift you up and make you believe in yourself. They can make it better. They can make it worse. They can crush you without warning. They are the only things you can never take back.

I wish I had a handbook ...

A handbook for others to know the right and wrong words to say to me. I could distribute my handbook to those who know me - whether they are family, friends, acquaintance, or by some other chance. My handbook would contain only the acceptable words and combinations of words for use on me. It would be a handbook of only words of love, encouragement, answers to questions, and constructive criticism. The words would answer my questions when I had them, teach me when I needed to learn, and unpatronizingly tell me when I was wrong. And I wish everyone else had one too!

Huh! In my next life I'm coming back with thicker skin.

Guncha Koi Mere Naam Kar Diya

Been listening to this song for a long time now. It is beautiful in its own way and I am not going to make any comparisons. There's something so refreshing about it, its rendition so soulful and sparkling that makes me want to listen to it over and over again.

So What?

"If you care, you just get disappointed all the time. If you dont care, nothing matters. So you're never upset."

Calvin is adorable!

"The best comics expose human nature and help us laugh at our own stupidity and hypocrisy. They indulge in exaggeration and absurdity, helping us to see the world with fresh eyes and reminding us how important it is to play and be silly. Comics depict the ordinary, mundane events of our lives and help us remember the importance of tiny moments."
Bill Watterson.

C&H happens to be one comic strip that can make me smile even on my worst days. I love Calvin! With his snow arts and his rides down the hill, his daydreams and his alter-egos, his Transmogrifier and his Duplicator, he has outclassed every fictional character that could have made it to the top of the list of my favorites. No one says it better than Calvin (other than Hobbes, of course) :

"I don't want to learn about winning and losing. Heck, I don't even want to compete! What's wrong with just having fun by yourself, huh?!"

"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible."

"We all want meaningful lives. We look for meaning in everything we do. But suppose there is no meaning! Suppose life is fundamentally absurd. Suppose there's no reason or truth, or rightness in anything. What if nothing means anything? What if nothing really matters? Or suppose everything matters? Which would be worse? "

"That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"

Who has a blog?

I was having a discussion with myself as to whether I should create a blog or not. It's not like I have a lot of pent up emotions that needs to be released. There aren't any particular issues or topics I feel so passionate about that I just had to write. So why bother with a blog then? The basic reason for a blog is because I'm bored and it's something to do (which I guess is the reason for most blogs). There is another reason as well, maybe some people can relate. And I'm sure writing every once in a while can't hurt.

So finally, I've made a blog. Then I had another dilemma, what should it be about? Well like I said before, I don't have any issues that need hashing out or anything like that, so it can just be about my everyday life. Pretty original right? I'll try to be as positive as possible.

Now there are some downsides to this endeavor. My writing skills are nominal at best. That won't lead to a strong readership. Also, there aren't too many "interesting" details that I have to share. So that may be a problem. But whatever, I'm here!

P.S. Having a blog makes me laugh. Its been just one day and I already get a kick out of talking about it. I can't really explain why, it just makes me chuckle a little bit :D

Phew...am finally in! Another tribulation for lazy me! This is one of the many diaries I've begun but never got around to maintaining. Let's see how long this one survives :D